This week, the state of Massachusetts elected really good-looking guy Scott Brown to fill late Senator Ted Kennedy’s seat, which now calls to question the good-looking black guy, Barack Obama’s,
health care plan. Aside from being well-groomed, strapping, and dreamy, Brown’s face also can speak, and said that he would vote against the liberalized health care plan in the Senate once he took office. Becky Swanson, longtime GOP citizen of Medford, Mass., is relieved that her party finally has their hunky spokesperson. “The last thing I wanted was some old, experienced politician - concerned with stuff like facts and statistics - trying to stop the health care bill,” Swanson tells The Soothsayer in a telephone interview. Conservative columnist for the Boston Gazette, Ethel Tinket, says that “the GOP Senate needed not only a guy you would want to have a beer with, but a guy 
who could be on a Budweiser billboard as well.” The GOP first started attempting to cultivate beauty in their party with the nomination of Sarah Palin for the vice-presidency in 2008; however, according to many polls conducted, America was found to not want a “foxy” politician, but rather a “dashing” politician - one that can “rip up the sheets.” Rather than antiquated political practices like educated debating or statistical reference, the warfare between Brown and Obama could amount to such drastic measures as who will have the better looking abdomens to show off in the summer time or whose sharp and seductive eyes can convey both “aggression” and “commitment” to the female sex. Boston University student Claire Weinkoff says, “Although I’m an independent, I will agree with whoever looks better in a designer suit.” In response to the incoming senator, the worried Democrats will likely replace Minnesota Senator Al Franken with Twilight actor and teen heart-throb Robert Pattinson, and replace the complete text of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act with a GQ magazine catalogue.
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