HILLARY CLINTON SWEARS SHE ENJOYS HER JOB

In a recent press conference in Washington, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton swore that she “enjoys her job.” When asked by a reporter whether she is truly happy with her position after running ceaselessly against Barack Obama for the 2008 presidential Democratic nomination, she responded by clearing her throat and then saying, “although the presidency would’ve been nice, it still gives me lots of ... joy to be doing all it is I’m doing.” The press conference followed Clinton’s trip to Africa where she met with the Angolan foreign minister Assunção Afonso de Sousa dos Anjos to talk about democratizing Angola and other small African nations. “I was overjoyed to partake in such a crucial movement to form democracies in Angola, Mozambique and Niger,” Clinton said through a tense smile at the conference. Although Clinton misspoke as Niger was not one of the countries she visited, she salvaged her remark by adding, “well, you know what I mean.” As Obama pushes forward with his pivotal universal health care plans, an issue Clinton championed for over two decades and was hoping to engineer as President, Clinton will visit Belgium to speak at their 27th annual Chocolate Festival. Prime Minister of Belgium, Herman Van Rompuy, will accompany Clinton to the event, and both will stress the importance of Belgian-American relations, along with the long history chocolate has had in both countries. Clinton was planning to join Obama on a trip to China to discuss the relationship between the two countries as economic superpowers; however Obama decided to send Clinton to the Republic of Moldova to discuss federal aid in response to their recent chicken pox outbreak. This will be the first American Secretary of State visit to Moldova in its history, and she is quoted as being “extremely excited to engage in talks with the Asian nation about their, uh, their disease.” Unfortunately Clinton will be in the Eastern European nation during her husband’s birthday, while he spends it in Japan, speaking out against the pandemic of Japanese prostitutes by visiting their numerous brothels.