AL GORE URGES WORLD TO STOP SOLAR ECLIPSES

Los Angeles - Long time advocate of climate change awareness, Al Gore is now targeting a new issue for the government to combat: solar eclipses. The Oscar-award winning documentarian, Nobel prize winner, and former vice-president has long been an environmental activist, alerting the world of its harmful ways and what humans can do to change the increasingly dangerous climate problem. Since the recent solar eclipse that put much of India, China and other Asian countries in the dark a few weeks ago, Gore urged all nations at a TED conference last Friday in Berlin to play their part in fighting these awful eclipses. Solar eclipses occur every 134 years and often for a relatively very short period of time; however, according to Gore, it is not to remain ignored. “For hours at a time, entire countries - mostly in the Asian continent - are left without solar energy,” Gore warns. “Entire farms are left dark, children who want to play with their friends outside now can’t. We have an obligation to these people to keep the big light on.” In a rare citation of religion, Gore added, “To quote the scripture, in the beginning God said let there be light - and that means for everyone. Just because the sun isn’t blocked on your side of the globe, doesn’t mean we all can’t string together and use our strength as a civilization to help these poor Asian countries fight this problem.” During his never ending quest in fighting all natural events in the name of generational obligation, Gore has acted increasingly stranger among his team, according to David Schmidt, Gore’s team coordinator. Schmidt claimed Gore came to a meeting dressed in priestly garb, and asked to be called “Saint Gore” by his staff. Hillary Johnson, a member of Gore’s staff, recalled having to close her “mortal eyes” when addressing Gore, lest she insult him and have her predestination changed by Gore for the worse. In any event, Gore plans to team up with fellow activist and friend, rock singer Bono, on other projects in the future, including stopping greed in all humans, stopping inconvenient thunder storms, and eradicating anything bad that happened or will happen, ever.