YOGISMS NOT MAKING SENSE ANYMORE

New York, NY - The family of legendary New York Yankees catcher Yogi Berra was sad to announce that Berra’s popular sayings, known as “Yogisms,” are officially not making sense anymore. Sayings such as “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore” and “It’s like deja vu all over again” have made Berra’s wit a staple in the American lexicon over the years, but recently, they have been increasingly illogical as he ages deep into his 80s. “Baseball is sardines with ketchup if I jump” and “Twenty five o’clock is Babe Ruth tomorrow” are some of Berra’s recent Yogisms, uttered from his hospital bed in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Publisher Nick Cannon felt awful after he had to reject the ambitious 89 year old catcher’s proposal to publish an encyclopedia of all his sayings. “He wanted the name of the book to be ‘Stealing second base is a church on a highway with fork sauce’ to which I had to graciously decline.” Rejections of Yogi’s ambitions have not been easy. Even his family members had to decline Yogi’s request to put “I didn’t live a life of living with a life of lived baseball” on his gravestone, opting for the more popular, “"You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours,” a witty, and also logical, Yogism, coined back in the 50s. When asked about the latest Yankee captain Derek Jeter, Yogi replied from his hospital bed, “Shortstops are like pencils, they fly in tanks of bubbles.” Jeter could not conjure up a response other than “I love Yogi. Always will.”
Yogi’s only recent employment ever since his retirement was being an honorary counselor to the former Bush administration.