YOUTUBE REJECTS VIDEOS WITH STORY ARCS IN THEM

In a story that has caused much controversy since it was implemented last week, the website YouTube, a video-sharing site seen by billions of people each day, has announced that it will no longer accept videos with story arcs in them due to decreasing data space. The website’s admistration sent out a message to all those who hold a YouTube account, which said that, “YouTube unfortunately has no space for any videos which contain clear narrative structures, developed characters, and poignant themes, as they are greatly under-watched by the computer going public.” The quality videos already on the site will not be taken off, the website announced. According to a recent study done by the Panovski Institute of Cyber Research, videos with redeemable stories, educational value or general worth with regards to the enlightenment of a human being is on average watched significantly less than viral videos of infants dancing in front of a television set, 4 year-olds screaming after going to the dentist, or a drunk teenager peeing on a KFC wall while singing ‘O Holy Night.’ Justin Cambridge, chief researcher of the study, claims that idiotic films with no point to them are watched an astounding forty four times more than films of worth are watched. “The upcoming generations are more interested in someone jamming pieces of toast in every single one of their face holes at IHOP than they are in a film that adapts Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment into a 4 minute dance,” Cambridge says. Many factions of people - college film students, media sources, and teachers, to name a few - have protested the ban as clear social degeneracy. “Our society is in a wreck,” says Viv Deloue, professor of cultural studies at the Univeristy of Texas, “We used to be able to watch engaging videos when we sat in front of the computer for 12 hours a day, and now we have to watch crap for 12 hours a day.” The chief executives of Facebook quickly followed suit after hearing about YouTube’s ban, by banning all pictures besides ones that include you and your half naked friends drunk off your ass.