NOSTRADAMUS PREDICTED ELLEN ON AMERICAN IDOL

The sixteenth century prophet Nostradamus has once again predicted the future in what scholars at Boston University are calling the most shocking revelation in historic studies this year. In his 594th quatrain written in 1520, scholars believe that the famed French apothecary predicted the switch from Paula Abdul to Ellen Degeneres on this coming season of FOX’s hit TV show American Idol. “What we have here is simply astonishing,” says Kent Venderklemp, Professor of Medieval History at the university. “Perhaps no other example of clairvoyance is more clearly defined than this. This is truly historic.” The quatrain under the spotlight, written at the peak of Nostradamus’s writing career within months of his 9/11 predictions, vaguely deals with a figure of rebellion taking over the status quo in a seasonal switch. The sentence that Venderklemp and his team focused on reads, ‘And the graceful in comment will be swept by the one who loves women.’ “So, ‘graceful in comment’ here clearly reads as Paula Abdul, who is known for her padded and well-intentioned comments on the show,” Venderklemp says, “and of course ‘the one who loves women’ is a reference to Ellen. I got chills when I read it.” Venderklemp has not convinced all scholars however on Nostradamus’s prediction. Dr. Laura Shemp, professor of Occultism and Spirituality at Juniata College, more clearly sees this quatrain as just another tenuous reference to the cyclic political upheaval of human history. “Even Don Quixote, at least, but certainly not Ellen Degeneres!” Shemp fumed during an interview with The Soothsayer. The FOX network issued a formal press release saying, “We are glad that Nostradamus supports this difficult decision on behalf of the network. Be sure to tune in this season, on FOX 5.” Although most of the quatrain is decoded, Venderklemp and many others in the field are still stumped on what the last line of the quatrain means, with regards to Idol, which reads, ‘The host is gay.’ “Must be some veiled comment on the media,” Venderklemp says, “We’ll have to keep searching.”